Crucial topic! Although I disagree with much of your framing and conclusions. For instance, you refer to “lazy” journalism on masculinity and cite an Atlantic article based on over 100 in-person interviews. That doesn’t strike me as lazy. Unfortunately your piece includes multiple approaches that do:

> Generalizing and oversimplifying (e.g., “boys are not bad”)
> Characterizing “culture” as a a single thing that is shaming men for being male
> Listing positive qualities of certain men in order to prove a straw-man argument (in this case apparently that all men are always bad)
> Not defining key terms like “awfulize,”“hating on men,” feminism, and masculinity itself
> Labeling all people who refer to “toxic masculinity” as “men-haters”
> Listing statistics like on-the-job deaths and drop-out rates as evidence that we don’t have issues with inequality and patriarchy
> Providing no ideas for how males can “live their best lives”

More accurately, we seem to have problems with toxic absolutism in modern persuasive speech. Your position appears to be that

> We can’t discuss toxic masculinity without harming innocent boys
> Criticizing male behavior through a masculine lens amounts to awfulizing

I say we can tackle this and other issues at a higher level:

1. We can handle complexity in being introspective and critical. We can call out examples of bad behavior traditionally ascribed to men (i.e., masculine) by males OR females. Bullying or bragging about assault come to mind. It’s a cultural problem if either is considered okay. And it’s crucial to be able to punish people for them without characterizing all males or all forms of masculinity toxic.
2. We can be secure enough to discuss ways to balance the masculine and feminine in ourselves. What works best for individuals depends on gender and other factors. Imbalance likely increases risk of depression and suicide.
3. We can step back and consider the impacts of using binary gendered stereotypes and assessing value accordingly. Young men tend to glorify alphas and ridicule “cucks” and “pussies.” The statistics you listed indicate that many are struggling. Could some of that relate to shame about not feeling like “real men?” Might some have difficulty finding healthy ways of self-expression when traditional masculinity includes expressing a limited range of emotions (e.g., anger) or being stoic?

Overall we can support males more effectively than by shielding them from feminist critiques. For example: recognizing situations in which a both/and framework is more useful than either/or. Possible ways to actually support males you didn’t explore include:

1. Teaching them skills that can be adapted to different types of work in a changing world
2. Teaching them emotional intelligence in order to be able to acknowledge and constructively deal with feelings
3. Teaching them responsibility, accountability, and how to date and express themselves physically in mutually fulfilling ways
4. Teaching them how to critique their own approaches and handle criticism from others in order to not take it everything personally or as meaning they are wrong or broken